Stop, You’re Making Me Blush!

Half Japanese but Full Trouble when it comes to adult beverages 

Picture this: You’re in Napa, surrounded by rolling vineyards, the crisp scent of oak barrels in the air, people twirling their glasses with a knowing nod. The sommelier pours a perfectly aged, incredibly exclusive, can’t-get-this-anywhere-else red wine into your glass, waiting for your reaction.

And me? I take one sip, and my body basically waves a little white flag and says, “Nope, not today, lady.”

Welcome to my world—a half-Japanese, half-Ukrainian woman who can handle tequila like a champ but gets completely wrecked by a glass of Merlot.

Tannins Are the Villains

Now, before you start diagnosing me (is she allergic? Is it an enzyme thing?), let’s just call it what it is—a betrayal. 

Wine and I should be friends! I love a good, moody Pinot Noir moment. I want to sip a bold Cab while dramatically discussing art and life. But my half-Asian genes had other plans.

For those lucky enough to be unfamiliar with this plight, tannins are these little plant compounds found in red wine that give it that dry, mouth-puckering feel. They also, apparently, wreck my body. 

Some people get headaches, others sinus congestions or full-blown nausea. I get really red—because of course I do. I call it blushing without the butterflies in your stomach.

But here’s where things get extra unfair. 

My Ukrainian side is built for the clear stuff. Vodka? No problem. Tequila? Like water. 

The irony is not lost on me.

How I Survive in the Art World

Now, you’d think that between the tannin intolerance and my love of spirits, I’d just avoid wine country (or any gallery opening) altogether.

But no. I live in SoCal. I thrive in the “Margie” lifestyle (that’s margaritas, for the uninitiated). And I refuse to let a little thing like biological incompatibility stop me from enjoying the vibe of a good wine tasting.

So, here’s how I navigate somewhere like Napa without actually drinking the wine:

🍷 The Spit Bucket Strategy – When in doubt, pretend. Swirl, sniff, take a polite sip, and discreetly toss it out. The key is to look sophisticated while internally knowing your liver thanks you.

🍷 The “I’m Just Here for the Cheese” Approach – I may not be able to enjoy the wine, but I will demolish that charcuterie board. Aged gouda? Yes, please. Truffle honey? Don’t mind if I do.

🍷 The Tequila-First Tactic – If an event also offers spirits, I’m in my element.

🍷 The “Let’s Pop Bottles” Excuse – I love a good celebration, even if I’m not drinking the bubbly. There’s something about the sound of a cork popping that just feels right. (Champagne for the table, but make mine a margarita!)

🍷 The Design Appreciation Excuse – “Oh, I’m actually more interested in the label design than the wine itself.” (Said while running fingers over an embossed bottle and nodding thoughtfully.)

Would I Change It? Not Really.

Sure, I’d love to enjoy a glass of Malbec without my body filing a formal complaint. But at the end of the day? I don’t feel like I’m missing out. 

If anything, it’s given me a unique party trick (“watch me drink half a glass of wine and immediately turn red”). Plus, hard liquor and I have a very loving, drama-free relationship—why mess with a good thing?

So if you ever find yourself in Napa with me, don’t be surprised if I pass on the wine and opt for a good cocktail instead. I’ll still appreciate the experience, the ambiance, and most importantly—the snacks. Because when life hands you tannins, you pivot.